Ugh!

I just need to vent - I love my grandmother to pieces but does she think I'm just sitting around eating bon-bons all day? I don't have time to chat on the phone for hours. She asks if I called that distant relative to see how they are doing lately! Umm, no, I didn't get to it with the million other things I've been doing. If I make it through this week alive, I'll call them! I know we are all busy moms - and at one point many years ago, she was too. This week alone has me running more errands for girl scouts and PTA functions that are happening on the weekend - than I even do for my own family! I can't wait until this week is over so I can catch up on my regular chores then I'll think about calling those people gram...

Spring is finally here!

I love this time of year, not only for the better weather but for being able to start my vegetable garden. Usually by now, I've started seeds inside, but this year time escaped me. Instead, I started today by turning over the soil in my existing garden bed, and using an edger and rototiller to start a second planting bed. I planted different types of tomatoes, beans, squash, carrots, lettuce, onions, radishes, eggplant and some other miscellaneous veggies. I hope that by starting from seed this late will still return some great produce!

who am I...

I am a wife, mother, billing coordinator, volunteer, writer, advice-giver, taxi driver, schedule maker, keeper of all things possible, etc. But, first and foremost I am a woman - strong, powerful, and emotional. I have to go back to the basics to find the real me. I get so caught up with all the things I need to do to take care of my family, job and responsibilities, that I sometimes have to remember who I am... I am proud to be a woman - so capable of so much. I believe in feminism. I once marched on the Washington Mall for woman's rights. I've protested companies that had ties to any kind of suffering. I like to read about what's going on in the world - and try my best to be an active member of trying to change things. I hold a bachelor's degree in Community and Human Services. I like to help and encourage strength for people to help themselves. I'm an avid animal lover and don't believe in shelters that kill. I financially and morally support several organizations that I believe in. I believe that one person can change the world. I actually enjoy my role as a girl scout leader to positively make a difference in young girls' lives. I also believe that THEY can change the world. I am woman, hear ME roar!
One of my most favorite pieces of writing is something I found over 20 years ago: "Because woman's work is never done and is underpaid or unpaid or boring or repetitious and we're the first to get the sack and what we look like is more important than what we do.......and for lots and lots of other reasons we are part of the women's liberation movement." (Author unknown to me)

career change...

I recently found a scrap of paper where I had written a 5 year plan for myself. At the time, my kids were younger and needed more supervision. Granted, as they get older, I am finding that they still need supervision but of a different nature! Back then, I had to make sure I or someone else was there to get them on and off the bus. They were also too young to stay home alone. I started working part time in order to meet these needs. My 5 year plan said that once my oldest was old enough to watch my younger one, I would go back to work full time. Well that was more than 5 years ago and I'm pretty comfortable where I am at work. My family could always use the extra money and by working full time, I could start contributing to my own retirement. At this point, a few extra hours out of the house wouldn't harm my kids....so what am I so afraid of? Change is scary and with this economy I should be grateful I at least have a job. I may have to start looking because before I know it, they'll be off to college and I won't have any excuse!

making money online

I have recently found some sites that ask you to take surveys, watch videos, complete tasks, etc. These sites allow you to earn points that can be redeemed for electronic gift cards to hundreds of online stores. I have become a little obsessed and log in to my account several times a day, from my computer, tablet, and phone! It's great because it seems like free money, but when you really track how much time your spending versus how much you're actually making - it doesn't really add up. For example, if it takes even 1 hour to earn enough points for a $5 gift card, you could work at a fast food restaurant and make more than that! It's not all bad though. If you work these sites strictly in your spare time and let the points add up, you can definitely reap some benefits. The real money to make online is out there, but I just haven't figured it all out yet!

bad day at work

I am one of the few people in my office that actually like their job. Sad for the others, but good for me. It makes a bad day at the office somewhat bearable. I fell into this job. It's not what I went to school for, but it's a short drive from my home and it's part time with some flexiblity with hours. It truly is a dream "mom job". Anyway, today really sucked because it was super busy and my boss was all over me. I am one of those people who works well with others but better when focused and left alone without too many distractions. I had such a hard time today keeping my concentration and getting my work done without getting filled with anxiety and stress. I am proud to admit, I kept my cool and completed everything that was asked - and all it took was some deep breathing and mantra reciting, to bring me back to a quiet place. It really helped lower my stress level and get better aim on my focus. Anxiety is very troubling for me and situations like these make it all the more upsetting - but only if I let it!

I'm losing it....

While Thanksgiving was great, celebrating with family and friends and being thankful for everyone and everything around me, today was a horrible day. I am a very organized person. I write everything down, keep track of birthdays, parties, gifts, shopping lists, inventory, schedules even oil changes and house repairs. My motto is "If I don't have it written down, it doesn't exist!" Well, I'm afraid to say I screwed up three different times today. This is so unlike me that I feel like something is wrong with me. I had the wrong location for my daughters 2.5 hour Nutcracker rehearsal. I remembered (amazing!) that I had forgotten to get a gift for a party we attended four weeks ago. (The party was during the historic NY snowstorm Halloween weekend and stores were closed, so we went to the party with a card and an I.O.U.) I finally remembered to fulfill the I.O.U only this morning - because I hadn't written it down. The last crazy thing I did today was to put some crescent rolls in the toaster oven then walk away until the smoke alarms went off! They were black and smoke filled the kitchen. This was my breaking point. Mind you, I got my period this morning so I'm usually emotional, but this was just too much. My game is off...my mind is off. Something just isn't right. Maybe it's just too much in a short period of time. Maybe it's just too much for one person to handle. What I'm most scared about is that maybe it's my brain saying it's just too much for me. I've had anxiety issues and heart palpitations but always trudge through it because - let's be realistic - who else is going to do it? I am truly scared by so many mistakes in one day. It's just not like me. Unfortunately my husband doesn't share my concern but it's definitely a lot for me. Like I said before, I am a very well organized person.