Reflecting.....

Today I had a nice visit from my parents, grandmother, brother, aunt and cousins. After the chaos died down, I started to think about my life and what I've made of it so far. On a bad day, I can easily complain that my house still isn't finished therefore, I don't have enough room to entertain overnight guests. I can bitch and moan that my kids' friends can't come over because they'll see that we live in a smaller house. I whine that I the completed house I want isn't lavish but enough for our needs - but yet we still don't have it. On a good day, I realize that my house has been a "home" since we lived here. Our guests have always felt welcome and even with some crowding and maneuvering, have stayed overnight in comfort. I think back to my parents struggling to give me the same homey feeling which they never realized I always felt. I am grateful for that. I am also grateful that (I think) my kids feel the same way, and that I had something to do with that.

Music helps...

Wow this has been a crazy ride of ups and downs emotionally! I've made sure I've been exercising and taking vitamins, but I haven't been able to shake the slump I've been in. I'm sure everyone knows exactly what I'm talking about! Anyway, today I finally figured out what works for me! I have the music blasting and I'm dancing around the living room with my daughter - dancing our cares away! Actually, dancing is exercise which is also why it helps me. I'm just letting the music pour through me and get lost in it, singing at the top of my lungs! Next time you're feeling low, having "one of those days", turn the music up and get your silly on!

If I don't laugh, I'll cry...

Tonight we spent the evening with neighbors. People, just like us, who are are through some shit. Sometimes it's good to see other situations to help realize that you're not alone. In this case, we were able to just hang out and vent our problems, then put them aside to enjoy the small stuff - like good friends, our health and a wonderful evening with good people!

This was going to be my year...

I had some crazy idea at the beginning of 2012 that this was going to be a great year. We were working hard, enabling us to pay down some credit card debt. We were able to send our daughter to camp and our son to another country. We applied for the permit to continue working on our house and obtained certificates of occupancy on the work we had already done. Our jobs were good, the money was coming in. Our community is great, we have wonderful friends surrounding us and our kids seem happy. I still believe this is our year, but with extenuating circumstances, we are nowhere near where we were just a month ago. It's important to remember that life is going to have it's ups and downs. Unfortunately we are in a "down" moment. I still feel very fortunate and know that things will get better. I think I will take my kayak out tomorrow on the lake just across the street and revel in the beauty and appreciate the small things.

little bit of good news

When everything around me seems to be going wrong, one little glimmer of hope peeked through yesterday. When the housing market crashed in 2006, so did our dreams of finishing building our house. Thankfully we made great progress in the year prior, but the second floor with our bedrooms got put on the back-burner for now six years! Well, yesterday, we were issued the building permit to finish the house! I'm so excited even though we barely have the money to do it! It will be good for us to have this project again. Building a house can put a ton of strain on a marriage but my husband and I work pretty well together. Plus this gives us something to look forward to - a finally complete house.

What to do when you've lost one income...

When in Rome, do as the Romans do. When your husband is out on strike, no money is coming in and your health insurance is gone - buy a kayak! This is our situation right now and with everything else that's going on, I splurged on something to help keep the demons away. I'm not advocating spending frivolously but I do recognize the need to detach from reality. In all seriousness, it's been scary without his income but we know it's temporary. I am just one of those people who can't dwell on the situation and needs to focus of the positive just to get through the day.

What an end to a pretty good day...

I'm still debating whether or not to change jobs. I'm not ready to go back to school and change careers, it's more of a "job" for now. I've realized that since my kids are older now, I can go back to work full time. My family can definitely use the money! I go through ups and downs at my current job (as we all do). I only work part time but the hourly rate is pretty decent. There isn't room to grow with this company as it's pretty small, but it's convenient to home and the hours are flexible. The real downside is that many of the people I work with have no sense of professionalism whatsoever! I have problems. We all have problems. I take whatever is going on inside my head and leave it at the door when I go to work. This, to me, is a basic skill of workplace etiquette and unfortunately many at my small office do not possess this skill. We have one who slams doors, another who constantly complains that she hates her job and wants to be fired (if she quit she wouldn't collect unemployment). The owners of the company don't set a great example either, with constant mood swings that can make any employee go mad or even want to quit. I usually walk around with a smile and a sarcastic joke to lighten the mood. Who wants to be round so much negativity? Anyway, one person (not mentioned above - yes ANOTHER person) has decided to make me their target. They like to think that they can tell you what your job is and how to do it - all with an attitude. I don't answer to them. I refuse to be treated with such hostility that comes from nowhere. This person has already been reprimanded for their behavior and the way they talk to others but I fear it's just getting worse. I'm not sure what my next step should be. The only person above me is the owner. If I go to her and report the latest problems, do I look like a tattle-tale? Should I pull this person aside and kill them with kindness asking what can we do to resolve whatever the issue is? Should I take them out back and kick the crap out of them? Not sure, but the last one seems like the most fun for me! Unfortunately their are going to be assholes wherever I work but I'm not sure in such a small space I can take it anymore...

How precious life is....

My sister-in-law (my sister) was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer. My heart goes out to her and hurts for her. Thankfully it was caught early and the prognosis is favorable. But the initial shock hasn't yet worn off. 1 in 5 women are diagnosed whether you have a family history of breast cancer or NOT. Get tested, get a mammogram, be proactive. It will save your life!

Letting go...

My oldest (my baby) is visiting a very close family friend in another country. Thankfully, in this technological era, I am able to video chat with him daily. My kids have been away from me before and enjoyed the freedom of a child-free house and had more time to spend with my husband. This is different. I can't just get in the car and see him. My faith is in my friend to watch over him in this foreign place. I stayed up all night watching his plane via radar until it landed safely. He is having a wonderful time but I am a mother and will always be - therefore - I worry.

PTA involvement...

The end of another milestone year as my youngest moves on from elementary to middle school. My involvement has been incredible as I have visited the school daily, talking with teachers and administrators, keys to the PTA closet, fund-raising duties, endless emails and phone calls, etc. All for the on magical moment of seeing my baby march across the stage into her new time of development. The work was hard but so very worth it. I'm so proud of her and her classmates, my co-parents and our guidance in making this transition memorable. I will look upon these days fondly and will cherish them forever.